Why? Just- I mean, why?

I honestly don't understand people.. I know that I am not alone in that either- but sometimes I wish I could read everyone's mind. I know truthfully that would most likely make me very unhappy- butttt.. I just want to know what people are thinking, you know? I have felt really upset lately.. Not quite sad or depressed, but just upset. I feel like I am missing out on a big part of my high school experience because I've never really had a relationship.. Which is honestly my own fault! Haha-- darn it! I realize this is also false.. High school is not about finding your spouse, but your bridesmaids instead! However.. I want it. I want a relationship so badly. I don't know why it's so important to me, and maybe it shouldn't be! But it is.. I just see little hints of love all around me, and it honestly makes me ache. The thing I LOVE about love is that it comes in so many different forms.. I was just watching this show on tv, and it was extremely depressing, but there was a little romance in it, and the boy and girl were super awkward teens that both had very difficult lives- but they had each other- and their love was so simple, young, and genuine! It just made my heart ache.. I'm honestly terrified to love anyone. Of course I love my family- that's not even a question.. In fact I love my family so dearly I think that's what started my fear for loving anyone else- because it terrifies me to think that I'll never find anyone that I will love as much as I love my family.. But I just want to experience it so desperately it's sad. I am also really scared of being taken advantage of- I don't want a relationship to be physically driven.. The thing that a lot of boys don't understand is that the emotional details of a relationship is what makes the physical parts so great for both members of the relationship.. I'm afraid to have a high school relationship because I fear that all my boyfriend would ever want from me would be physical things, and that messes with my head.. The thing that is most frustrating to me is this: in our day and age- everyone is a slut. Ha, I apologize if you are reading this, and you are not a slut, ha, but really- I miss the days when guys were gentleman to all women, not just the ones they liked- I miss the times when girls didn't have to be in anything less than a t shirt and jeans to get attention.. I hate that lots of relationships today move too quickly and are too involved too fast.. For me- I have to get to know the person I'm with before anything else becomes real. Thinking of only loving someone for their physical appearance makes me sick.. The sweetness and true, deep, love comes from knowing the other person so well that you feel like you are one.. But not only do you know them- but accept them as a whole, and love their flaws, love their problems- although it may take a lot of time. The truth of the matter is this- everyone is crazy- you just have to find the crazy you are willing to love and fight for.. I hope that happens to me! I do! I want to experience a first love.. One that is sweet, and genuine, and true! But it can't be forced.. And I realize that.. So I guess I'll just keep my heart locked up safe and continue waiting.. I just hope... I don't turn out to be a spinster. Haha, anyway.. Thank you blog! For listening like no one else.. Xoxo